by Lisa Fraser

“I’m the kind of person who has a discussion, says thank you and waves goodbye… and then will spend the next two weeks thinking about how witty and convincing I could have been. I’ve listed below some of the lessons I’ve learnt during my four years with Catholic Voices – may my shortcomings help you grow!”

1.     Choose the right time

 

Last week was very busy and I felt under pressure. I was invited to a thirty-minute Zoom meeting on Friday evening, but I declined because I felt overwhelmed. On Saturday morning, after a good night sleep, I received an email from Catholic Voices asking me if I could write an article. I knew that this task would take longer than 30 minutes, but I said yes. Why? Because I had this discussion when I was feeling rested and positive. 

Tip. Timing is key. If you plan evangelisation activities within your parish, or if you just want to talk about your faith with a friend, make sure first that they’re willing and ready to listen to you.

2.     Invest in relationships

 

I know someone who has massive anxiety about covid-19. Every day he waits at the front door for his mum to come back from the grocery, and when he sees her, he gets angry because he’s scared she might have caught the virus. He does that because he loves her, but she replies back, he replies even louder, and they slam doors. He is motived by love, but he loses the argument.

Tip. If we want to convince someone, we certainly have to work on our key message and arguments. But it’s equally important – if not more – to invest in building loving relationships first. People will remember how you make them feel more than what you say.

 

3.     Less is more

 

I was at the pub with a friend, who said he had questions about heaven. “Sure, what question do you have in mind?”, I said. In less than two minutes, I was bombarded by about 25 questions directly or vaguely related to heaven, some of them with deep spiritual implications (about limbos and new-born babies), some motivated by his consumption of beer (is there a devil with a pointy fork? Is there a special hell for dogs?...). I laughed! I offered him to pick his favourite question for the evening, and to go back to his other questions another day. He completely agreed. 

Tip. We don’t have to solve all the theological questions in one go. It’s ok to break down the discussion. It’s ok to let the ideas mature. We have time. Faith is a journey of a lifetime.

4.     Knowledge doesn’t replace life experience

 

I’ve never read so many “serious” books than when I started Catholic Voices. I wanted to know every fact about the Church’s history, the saints, and controversies. I enjoyed it…but I’m not sure I’ve used much of it! When I go to a parish to talk about “love thy neighbour”, no one asks me to quote paragraph 2196 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. They ask me: “well, well, you talk about charity. But what do YOU do?” I’m more convincing – and more confident – when I explain how I take ten minutes to chat with the homeless person at the Tube station, every morning, before going to work. 

Tip. Evangelisation is not about facts and figures. It’s about how your faith makes you try to be a better person for this world. 

 

5.     Preparation is key…to some extent

 

Having an ‘evangelist check-list’ would be cool, wouldn’t it? Read the Catholic Compendium of the Catechism: tick. Done my volunteering for people at the margin: tick. Prayed to the Holy Spirit before this important talk: tick. Everything is under control….ha ha! No. We’re not in control. I once went to a parish to talk about ‘positive communication’, and the first question in the audience was: “I’ve never understood ‘the resurrection of the body’, can you explain that for me, please?” 

Tip. Don’t be afraid of letting people challenge you. Go off script and admit you don’t know if that’s the case. We’re all humans, fallible…and also able to learn from our shortcomings.

 

6.     Don’t assume knowledge

 

As I was having a cup of coffee with a colleague at work, I casually talked about Holy Week. She blinked. I realised she had no idea what I was talking about. I said: “Easter?” She replied: “Oh! Yes, chocolate eggs! Sorry, I didn’t realise it was sacred.” What was obvious for me was not part of her world – which I completely understood and respected.

Tip. Things that matter to you don’t necessarily matter as much to other people. So before starting a discussion, it’s always useful to check respectfully: “how familiar are you with this topic? What have you heard about it?” 

 

7.     People come with their own life story

 

The reverse is also true: you probably don’t know what other people have at heart, or where they come from. One day, a friend of mine questioned me about the Christians’ views on cremation. I had two options: I could either quote the Catechism of the Church, or inquire about the motivation behind his question. Before answering, I encourage him to talk, and I discovered that his father was terminally ill. My friend was facing difficult choices for the future, and he came to me seeking compassion. If I had replied bluntly to his question, or started a theological debate, I would have missed the point. 

Tip. The people who ask about faith are often people seeking peace and happiness. The question for you then is: how do you support them? Listening is probably a good start.

 

8.     Diversity is a gift

 

As I give talks about faith and politics in parishes, I’ve learnt that there is no “Catholic archetype”. I hear people say that life issues should be the focal points for Catholics, while others argue that Laudato Si is key to our survival. I engage with groups dedicating their lives to support migrants, and I hear others say that we should start by supporting rough sleepers at our doorstep. They are all Catholics. They’ve all read the same Bible. But the Spirit is prompting them to react in different ways.

Tip. Don’t try to win every argument. Try to understand the motivation behind someone’s positions: are they genuinely trying to act with love and charity? If the answer is yes, perhaps it’s time to admit that we need everyone’s gift and energy to build the kingdom of God. Even if we disagree on the next step to do that.

 

9.     Compassion and compromise are not the same thing

 

In early February, a friend of mine said he did not believe in covid-19 – he argued it was a media bubble. I listened to him because I respect him as a person. However, when the Government announced the lock-down, I simply said: “no, I will not have a drink with you or with anyone tonight, because I don’t think it’s safe.” That’s my belief. I do love my friend, but I stick to what I believe is true.

Tip. We are called to engage with people regardless of their beliefs. But equally, we’ve chosen Christ because we believe that His way leads to peace and true fulfilment. There’s nothing wrong in sticking to that belief, even if it means disagreeing with someone we respect and love. We can only witness what we believe is true, and trust that the Spirit will work in the other person.

 

10.  Evangelist…or evangelised?

 

When I look back at my experience with Catholic Voices, I wonder whether I’ve been an ‘evangelist’, or if I am the one being evangelised. When I talk about faith with people, they reply by asking questions I had not always considered. They recommend books that make me grow. The Spirit is at work when I listen as much as when I speak. 

Tip. Don’t think about communication as a way to tell your truth to the whole world. It’s process of giving and receiving. Are you open to receive?

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“I joined Catholic Voices to learn communication techniques and to become super knowledgeable. Four year later, I know that I make mistakes, and I know that I don’t know. But it’s alright, because we’re all making the same journey, and we’re in that boat together.” - Lisa